It’s been one of those days. Clover has never been been soothed by breastfeeding which I’m very thankful for but at times, a teeny bit bummed about. It’s just never something that I wanted her to rely on therefore never even tried it. I think I’ve only fed her to sleep once, and that was more because she fell asleep after I breastfed her as supposed to doing it on purpose.

When she has her moments where nothing works I do sometimes wonder how useful it would be to have that as a secret weapon. She’s only doing morning and night time breastfeeds and even then I’m purely sustenance for her, which is what I am at those times so it makes sense. Half way through a feed she would cry out because she hasn’t had enough, I swap sides she feeds on until she’s full and doesn’t linger. It’s like gulping a satisfying drink in one go and putting the glass away once it’s all gone.

When she cries for reasons I can’t decipher it’s hard not to break a little. So all I can do is hold her and let her breathe in my mamaness. When she falls asleep in my arms like this it takes all my energy and strength to put her down.