I’m in a funk, so I wrote a list I’ve been feeling pretty down for awhile now and I can list a lot of reasons why. But I’m not finding that helpful anymore or at all, and come to think of it they’re all just bunch of excuses. So I turned to the different inspiring and positive blogs I follow in the hope that my spirits would lift. And by the end of it all I found that just reading the words on the screen wasn’t enough, nothing was changing (naturally). I read something last week where it suggested to list five things that make you happy. So I tried and I got sad. I felt lame and quite emo. I couldn’t think of things that used to make me happy. And that just continued my unproductive cycle of gloom. Last night I kind of had it and started thinking of the things that surely made me happy. Turns out there’s a never ending list of it (duh!). Problem was, the list was situational. It made me happy (and I’m sure it will in the future) because I had a system. I had a bunch of things I knew that made me happy that I could pick and choose from. But in reality I can’t do them right now, not here, not yet. I realised how ridiculous I was and tried again, but this time I focused on the now…. (in no particular order except for the last two, they’re the best) A pedicab taking me to my door, rain, wind or shine, regardless of how far (or not) I travelled. Hubby making me paleo breakfast of deliciously fresh fruit every morning. Falling asleep to the sound of (light to medium) rain. That five seconds of peace and quiet when the dogs, roosters, motorcycles and “singing” stop. The cool breeze flowing through my bamboo hut office. My workmates constantly translating words in Illongo and Tagalog for me. And how I’m so part of their family now. My email/twitter/iMessage/text buddies. You know who you are, friends, new and old, you keep me sane. Aiteyla (iPhone) especially with 3G. Our kawaiian (bamboo) couch. Most Filipino food and all the desserts. In particular the ones that taste like Nanay’s cooking. Tea! Mayple (macbookpro) and all the bones, friends, Gilmore Girls and bbt etc my little heater desires. Five star hotels. Skyping family. Without a doubt when I talk to Jacob I end up smiling for the rest of the night. Have you seem the kid smile? It’s contagious! Now and always, I am super happy to have my best friend/dance partner/ventorator/get me stuff when I’m lazy/hubby in my life. So as I finish my giant mug of early grey tea, I realise I can’t count because I ended up with 10 more things. But most of all I’m going to keep climbing out of this funk! So see you on the otherside.
Finding Intention 